I (don't) want

I want to stop obsessing

I want to delete “if, but, maybe” out of my vocabulary

I want to be fearless

I want you, to call me everyday

I want to step out of the corner

I don’t want Sundays without you

I want back the sun

I want to let go

I want to cry less

I want to hear the wind of the ocean again

I want to close my eyes without being afraid you won’t be there when I wake up

I want YOU to love ME ….. BACK 

If ...

If you think I’m week because I show emotions, it’s just my human side.

If you think I’m not confident because I show low self esteem, it’s just my feminine side.

If you think I’m submissive because I show no objection, it’s just my childish side.

If you think I’m too involved because I want to help everyone, it’s just my maternal instinct.

If you think I’m reckless because I loose my mind in anger sometimes, it’s just me, behaving like a lover that I am.

And if I don’t like to be bonded by the headboard is because I can’t live with zero control. I understood that only when I discovered how much I like to control, even myself.

Barefoot

I step in, take my shoes off. I like to walk barefoot. The little round marks that my toes live on his wooden floor, I think they’re cute, and then I laugh inside, because I think I’m stupid. I walk with my eyes down, can’t see more than two steps in front of me. I take a peak. He’s there, where he usually is, sitting down, pretending to be preoccupied. He’s shy, not because of me… he just is. I take my usual sit, next to the sofa, while he pours the wine. “Not for me, I’m driving”. “You’re leaving again……..”, he says. I smile… maybe he’s just being nice…. Maybe he doesn’t really want me to stay. Men want to be alone in their space. I have learned that in time.

Places of worship

They say places of worship are “gates”. Gates to the universe, gates to God. They say the energy build up in those places for a reason. No mater the way you worship, praying, singing, just listening, they say those are the gates where the universe fuels up on energy, and people, fuel up on hope. Those places can be anything, from a church or a shrine, to a pyramid, a river or a wall. People go there to ask, to give, or simply to feel the energy.

Universal Theater

Have you ever seen the horizon full of stars curving at the height of your shoulder? Have you ever seen bits of light trapped in the darkness of the polar night like curtains, hanging underneath yourself? Have you ever seen night and day on the same sky, light and dark separated by a perfect invisible line?

When you see, from above, the sun rising, so painfully that you feel it’s just being born in that same moment, you understand. You believe. And I will have someone to share all this with. Only when entrapment will set you free – and being free in this big empty world would mean bondage – only then you will see. You will see the good and bad and the meaning of all this.

9 days

We spoke after nine days. Nine days went by. There was nothing but silence for nine whole days… and he never said I miss you. Not like a friend, or like a lover…. We had a bit of a small talk. And I didn’t ask. How could I? I was calling out all my angels to thank them for even talking to him. He will never know how much he means to me.

That is part of the latest deal I sign with “life”.

Alone

I’m standing in front of the window. In the dark. I can see light far away outside. People in their beautiful little houses, drinking, fighting, making love, who knows…

I’m holding a tea cup, half empty or half full, don’t really know, and I’m wearing one of your shirts. I was about to put it in the washer, when I realized it had your scent.